One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
