This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
