You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
