Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
