its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
