I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
