Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
