Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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