apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
