I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
