i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
