gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
