even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
