that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
