I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
