I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Still dying that you shit outside
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
