can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
