I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
