Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
