well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
