Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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