put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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