super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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