You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
