we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
