i permit you to call me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
