she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
