you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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