dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
