It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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