I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
