evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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