Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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