yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
