But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
