and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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