everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
