my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
