What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
