There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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