imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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