i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
