Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
