All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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