whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
