RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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