my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
