I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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