i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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