Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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