this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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