you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
