speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
