you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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