I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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