I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
